Monica Matthews: Journal

Hi everyone! Working on performance date for the annual Monaco Yacht Show! Very exciting and lovely people to work with... I'll keep you posted..
Blessings...xoxoxo
ciao

My Child,

You may not know me,
but I know everything about you.
Psalm 139:1
I know when you sit down and when you rise up.
Psalm 139:2
I am familiar with all your ways.
Psalm 139:3
Even the very hairs on your head are numbered.
Matthew 10:29-31
For you were made in my image.
Genesis 1:27
In me you live and move and have your being.
Acts 17:28
For you are my offspring.
Acts 17:28
I knew you even before you were conceived.
Jeremiah 1:4-5
I chose you when I planned creation.
Ephesians 1:11-12
You were not a mistake,
for all your days are written in my book.
Psalm 139:15-16
I determined the exact time of your birth
and where you would live.
Acts 17:26
You are fearfully and wonderfully made.
Psalm 139:14
I knit you together in your mother's womb.
Psalm 139:13
And brought you forth on the day you were born.
Psalm 71:6
I have been misrepresented
by those who don't know me.
John 8:41-44
I am not distant and angry,
but am the complete expression of love.
1 John 4:16
And it is my desire to lavish my love on you.
1 John 3:1
Simply because you are my child
and I am your Father.
1 John 3:1
I offer you more than your earthly father ever could.
Matthew 7:11
For I am the perfect father.
Matthew 5:48
Every good gift that you receive comes from my hand.
James 1:17
For I am your provider and I meet all your needs.
Matthew 6:31-33
My plan for your future has always been filled with hope.
Jeremiah 29:11
Because I love you with an everlasting love.
Jeremiah 31:3
My thoughts toward you are countless
as the sand on the seashore.
Psalms 139:17-18
And I rejoice over you with singing.
Zephaniah 3:17
I will never stop doing good to you. Jeremiah 32:40
For you are my treasured possession.
Exodus 19:5
I desire to establish you
with all my heart and all my soul.
Jeremiah 32:41
And I want to show you great and marvelous things.
Jeremiah 33:3
If you seek me with all your heart,
you will find me.
Deuteronomy 4:29
Delight in me and I will give you
the desires of your heart.
Psalm 37:4
For it is I who gave you those desires.
Philippians 2:13
I am able to do more for you
than you could possibly imagine.
Ephesians 3:20
For I am your greatest encourager.
2 Thessalonians 2:16-17
I am also the Father who comforts you
in all your troubles.
2 Corinthians 1:3-4
When you are brokenhearted,
I am close to you.
Psalm 34:18
As a shepherd carries a lamb,
I have carried you close to my heart.
Isaiah 40:11
One day I will wipe away
every tear from your eyes.
Revelation 21:3-4
And I'll take away all the pain
you have suffered on this earth.
Revelation 21:3-4
I am your Father, and I love you
even as I love my son, Jesus.
John 17:23
For in Jesus, my love for you is revealed.
John 17:26
He is the exact representation of my being.
Hebrews 1:3
He came to demonstrate that I am for you,
not against you.
Romans 8:31
And to tell you that I am not counting your sins.
2 Corinthians 5:18-19
Jesus died so that you and I could be reconciled.
2 Corinthians 5:18-19
His death was the ultimate expression
of my love for you.
1 John 4:10
I gave up everything I loved
that I might gain your love.
Romans 8:31-32
If you receive the gift of my son Jesus,
you receive me.
1 John 2:23
And nothing will ever separate you
from my love again.
Romans 8:38-39
Come home and I'll throw the biggest party
heaven has ever seen.
Luke 15:7
I have always been Father,
and will always be Father.
Ephesians 3:14-15
My question is…
Will you be my child?
John 1:12-13
I am waiting for you.
Luke 15:11-32

Love, Your Dad
Almighty God

Father's Love Letter used by permission Father Heart Comnunications Copyright 1999-2008 www.FathersLoveLetter.com .........

Your sweetness. Your kindess. David was right. Your mercies are neverending. Thank you for bringing me here. A place of rest. Finally. It's been a long 10 years. Isaiah 58 has never been truer. May your light shine brighter my love in these dark times and may it rise up in me for the whole world to see or just one person. Tonight, I encourage myself in you, my Lord. My Friend. Thank you for Psalm 139. I can feel the words move across my face by your very breath when I read it and know with certainty that your right hand does hold me. Thank you Jesus. My tears have been as numerous as the drops of rain outside my window tonight. Your Word tells me you have them in a bottle...save them, we can start another ocean someday:) They are cleansing. As are you. Your Word.

Yours Always,
M

Some have asked where I have been lately. Why the sudden drop off in sharing anything in my journals here.

It's actually quite simple. I just need to be quiet.
It's an interesting, yet subtle substitution.. writing/imagining a relationship vs. actually having one. Living one. Mortified by the truth that I may have indeed shared my relationship and thoughts about God on an emotional/mental level yet not actually walking it out in my daily, physical choices. In the words of Mrs. Focker, "nicht Geet" (not good)

It's been an enormously long 6 months with so much growth, I've wanted to throw up at times and have. Taking up my cross has been given new meaning. Loving those (including myself) that hurt or betray me, isn't as easy as my imagination led me to believe, but doable. Keeping hope alive in the face of a dismal diagnosis isn't easy either, but doable. Being displaced for months isn't comfortable either, but doable. Accepting myself in the grey hasn't been easy either, but that too, has proven doable. With so much to learn and grow up in all I can find myself saying is thank you and He really did come to give us life and more abundantly.

It's quite different living amongst people. People that live with their eyes wide open. People with junk like me. The alienated, sexy life of a singer has afforded me an intricate existence with pretty much...myself. Yes, I have friends, but this is different. This is living as a community of believers that while goofy, hunger for righteousness and make an attempt to live as such. I think I forgot how relational God is. Afterall, the commandment of which all the law hangs is completely relational... a vast verb.. love. Him, ourselves, and one another.. pretty easy to do in your head, another thing entirely, to be.

I do hope you are all well in your lives. I've missed it here at times, but I've been busy finding out what service really means. I look forward to bringing it back to the creative gifts He has entrusted me with one day. I've given that up too. At least for now. It is true that whatever we "give up" upon His request, will return life to us 100 fold.

I love you all,
M

It has been a while. A lot has changed. In everything. Humbled to the point of no speech required. In awe, inspired, in transition, in love.

Dare I find room for a single utterance? Humbled by your grace, your mercy. Living your life. The other has nothing to offer. A scandalous impression of a so called life leaving much to be admired and nothing to the imagination. As it is completely devoid to true imagination. Only lofty, earthly vain imagination that you write to us about.

As I turn to say goodbye to a life I thought was mine, I am reminded of Lot's wife. God forbid I should turn once again to that dreadful place of existence. May I grow in comfort in the grey of my life with a knowing that your Word is true.. it is indeed from glory to glory we move and you are in fact faithful to finish the good work you began.. in me.

Good night my love.

A kiss on the forehead. Thank you. What a sweetheart you are. Disappointed in a season of complete turmoil. How do you love us the way you do? I find this so hard sometimes. Especially when I'm disappointed. I forget that your bride is not yet unblemished. The expectation of myself bleeds over onto others at times, especially in times of trouble. A delicate balance between shutting out for safety reasons and living with the heart wide open yet leaving room for being human.

Interesting that you would use my very gift to comfort me this evening,. but through someone I barely know. Wow. The whole room filled with your presence. Undeniable. When I felt forsaken, you were there. Thank you. Thank you so very much. May I not take visiting those on a bed of affliction lightly again and may I not underestimate the sweetness of the gift you have blessed me with to usher in Your presence. What an honor.

Thank you papa..
M

the neatly salved wound. didn't think it would burst open in mixed company. but it did. my heart is tender. thank God.

serving. you, my Lord. thank you for sustaining my breath long enough to sing your praises. the unknowing. there is freedom here. the temptation is to seek it all out. the answers. the only answer i seek tonite is that of rest. a sweet surrender to all that you created me to be. thank you. i just need a kiss goodnight. pardon me as i climb into your lap. cover me with your wings papa. may i awake to a day full of new mercies, much love, joy & wonder. may i see you in it all.

love,
m

What is it to be lonely? Seeing as how we are never truly alone.

Tonight, I find myself wondering what that really means. Maybe it's just simple. Maybe it's just wanting to share your day with someone or know that at least one person on the planet is truly excited and thankful that you are alive. Maybe it's being able to know that you brighten someone else's day and make their life a little bit sweeter. Or.. maybe it's being able to sit in the same room and not say a word and speak volumes in the safety and comfort of that person's existence.
Even God said it wasn't good for man to be alone.Hum.. I think women could be included in that too.

Nice little line between needy and just desiring. My heart goes out to all of my fellow singles that wish they had that one person that just "got" them.. could share life... and my heart goes out to those of you that do and don't know it or forgot or do know it and are truly thankful. I pray you stay that way. Thankful.

Some people hate to see others hold hands, or kiss or show all the little warm and fuzzies as if no one else in the universe exsited.. I say.. kudos and thank you. Thank you for allowing me and others to be reminded that love is grand and passion is necessary and tenderness isn't a four letter word. Fine line between publicly obnoxious and what I call Europeanly (don't think that's a word:) affectionate.. I

I am thankful for the happy couples whether 2 weeks along or 50 years into it.. thank you. You remind me that it really does exist. And in some vicarious little way, I get to participate in something the world could sure use more of..
Love.


M

To savor the taste of you is my delight. As sweet as a field of lilies, your fragrance ignites the passion of a thousand horses running free. It is in your arms I live and in your arms I could breathe my last breath.

Sweet Jesus.

M

So many decisions to make. Trust, comes to mind. The longest distance now resides between my head and heart. Faith, harder the second time around.
Makes one wish burning bushes were still the way of communicating. Who could DOUBT that?

Stillness, while yet moving.. hum...getting farther away from the shore now...never truly far from you. Strangely comfortable amidst all the uncertainty. You are awesome God. Truly awesome..

m

God Almighty, I miss you. Tonight I find myself just wishing you would walk through that door. Just show up unannounced, arms open wide, smile on your face, that deep longing look in your eyes. Unbridled joy. No one can make me feel as magnificent as you!

It's one of those nights. Little creatures of the past trying to keep their place in my present. This is a fight. Drinking regularly from the brook you dug for me and thoroughly enjoying the pasture you recently bought for me.. I just miss you.

I know you are near. I know you are in the deepest and most shallow parts of me. Sometimes I don't know what to say. A girl, a woman, a teacher, a student, a mother, a child, but one thing I am not... a slave. Thank you for my freedom. Lover of my soul, how I long for you to walk through that door and say just one word. Just one. Or nothing at all.

I will wait. Soberly. Patiently. With my lamp filled. My eyes peeled to the window of my soul. You are there. Oh beautiful Savior, you are there.

m

In my studies this a.m. in Acts 28:4 KJV, I came across the word "vengeance".. it also had a sidenote to the actual interpretation of the Greek word which is Justice.

I couldn't help but think of the Scripture that says "Vengeance is mine, says The Lord"... I applied the word Justice here too and immediately I thought of how many of us as Christians and Non-Christians believe on some level that what comes around goes around.. vice versa.

How many of us secretly and openly wait with baited breath for God's vengeance to "come back around".. the Universalists will say it's kharma. I will leave that for the universalists, as I am not one and can't argue their cause. But for my fellow believers, I would like to take a moment and ask you to give pause and thought to the saying... vengeance is The Lord's..

King David repeatedly asked that his enemies be spared nothing. He is vividly clear in his desires to see them turn to mush.
When reading some of the Psalms with my daughter, I will give what I call a "NT disclaimer" I will always defer to Jesus's plea to turn the other cheek and pray for our enemies. Through reading the Psalms lately, I have come to realize that I too have enemies that I wish damnation upon. But these enemies are the ones we can't "see". They are the ones mentioned in the NT that work themselves out daily through human flesh. The principalities and powers and wickedness in high places. These beasts devour the body unbeknownest to many and keep us in bondage to wishing the Lord's vengeance would fall on someone.

I too, have secretly and openly wished that God would come down and whack someone that did me wrong or wouldn't leave me alone about something or stole from me. The spirit of self pity is a nasty one.

It's really not until I think of all the things I have done against God and His endless mercy for me that I stop wishing for evil to befall them and start praying for them.

In closing, Jesus referred to Judas as "friend" KJV two seconds before he handed him over with a kiss. He washed his feet about an hour and half before that and broke bread with him. He shared his entire ministry with him including his money! (that he stole from continually) And might I be so bold as to remind of the fact that Jesus already knew he was going to betray him before sharing all of this with him.

He asked the Father to forgive those that crucified Him while they were yet doing it. If anytime in the history of the world there would have been a time to justly say.. "bring on the vengeance God!" it would have been then, and yet, it was God's justice to mankind to offer up a living sacrifice for us in spite of ourselves.
Thank God His justice system is sweeter than the world's.

Think about this my fellow Christians, the next time we are openly or secretly wishing that someone would "get it" from God because we think ourselves more precious than they are..let us consider ourselves and the mercy we not only desire, but need. Amen.

Love,
M

Resting between the breasts of my youth, your word is near to me. It is here I hold on to every breath you have uttered in compassion, to my soul.

The perversions of a world gone mad have made your truth dispensable, doubtful, twisted, and mangled. To some, they will seek only what they may see, or touch or feel. I beseech you Lord to visit those sick upon their beds and those lying in the pits. Is is written that you are kind to the ungrateful and the wicked. Amen.

Beyond reproach, you are. The slippery slope of digestion has made your word altogether a fresh feast at times and left my stomach sour at others. How could this be? As the prophet, your word became bitter to my stomach to the division of my very marrow.

A trial unlike any that man could impose. For what can man do to me? I tell you, nothing. He neither brings up or down. But you, my God.

Your arms are not too distant to reach the farthest corner of creation. Do you see the drunk in the alley? Of course you do. I pray you visit with him and cure him of the taste that wastes your breath. Do you see the youth in the bed of fornication? Of couse you do. Please cast your robe upon them and shower their naked souls with your words. Let your spirit not pass them by. Do you see the "self made" man? Of course you do. May he be forever humbled in your favor and not your wrath, to see the works of YOUR hand and that he is one of them.

Your arm is not too short, your mercy new THIS day. Visit us upon the beds of our iniquities.

Turn our knowing into nothing that you may be glorified in this earth. Your earth. Our gods of incessant talking, dumb knowledge falling upon deaf ears. Puffing up the minds of those that bow to the belly of a beast that will never be satisfied.

To our own destruction, we deny your infallible truth and look to man to save us. We look to the animals and earth, that which is created, to be our creator. One breath and this world would cease to exist. Just one.

May we not be as worried about "big brother" watching, but the Lord of all creation that sees all things, Even the unseen. May we wake up this day and know with certainty that there is nowhere to run with our baggage, but to your throne. The veil torn by your sacrifice to and for us.

No murder is done in secret. No slander is gone unheard. Our very cells are laid bare. The pattern of our skin imprinted upon your mind. In this time of grace, may my generations not rest in idleness of self seeking and worry.

I implore you to heal us as never before. Prepare those that appear unworthy. I look forward to seeing those that others deemed unfit. Who are we that you are mindful of us? Your beloved.

I humbly ask that you turn our hatred of one another. In this time of financial dismay, it becomes easier to see who is who. Our character on display. May each man give of what he has been given. Shower your heart upon the monetarily rich to share richly, that your hand may be seen by those that would otherwise not believe. May it not be so far fetched that the poor man open his cupboards to feed the rich. We are all hungry.

May the stark lines that man has created be colored grey by the hand of your greatness God. And may you not only bless America, but the world. Bless the single mother with righteousness and loyalty to your cause. Her children.

Come and destroy, swiftly, the pursuit of anything but you and your righteousness, that we may know you above all and as it is written..." all these things be added unto us".

Now, we know in part. Then, in full. May we set aside our foolish talk and separation and be saved in this day from the illusions of life. May we step out of the smoke and mirrors of our lives to the clarity you are calling all creation to. May you slay the beast of deception this day and every day. And may I be found worthy in that great day. Your day.

Come lay with us in the bed of a marriage that will never be dissolved and destroy the works of the beast that so easily besets us. Lord, have mercy.

Laugh with me this day for my soul is heavy. You have filled my cup and it is running over. I love to the point of aching. You have blessed me with your desires. That no man should perish.

love,

M

Have you ever come across a really beautiful flower and bent down in the hopes of experiencing its equally beautiful fragrance, only to find there isn't one?

Hum. I hate it when that happens. It's so disappointing. I LOVE flowers and fragrances. It's almost as if I feel robbed when that happens. Something so pretty and that usually shares itself in its totality... and .. nothing.

In my prayers recently, it was made clear that some of us may in fact, be the flowers of which I speak.

Looking great on the outside, bank accounts full, all the right words, climbing the ol' ladder, all the flash, all the stuff we paid for to enhance our outward beauty and yet... no fragrance.

What is the fragrance we are to omit? Christ.
The sweetest, most pure, fresh, and clean fragrance imaginable is available to those that walk after The Spirit.

After looking into my own life over the past six months or so, I realized I was giving off little more than a foul excretion.:( Bitterness, Grief, Striving and Unforgiveneness ( to name a few) have a foul odor that doesn't wash off with makeup & cute clothes.

Alas, in His infinite mercy, He's been bringing me back to my right Mind (Christ) and in that, I think I"m begining to smell a little better... :):)

Sometimes it requires a lengthy bath. Praise God for His daily new mercies, notice I didn't say mercy. They are plentiful. The washing of the water of the Word.. it's the best stain remover, funk remover, and halitosis control on the planet...

What's YOUR fragrance?

Love you,
M

I wonder how many of us forget or have ever heard for that matter, that we war not against flesh & blood. That includes ourselves.

How blinded we are. And even those of us that claim to see remain somewhat blinded to the power we were left with. The power to forgive. How are we to subdue nations without it? Hum.

Interesting two weeks for me. God is good.

www.beinhealth.com
It will change your life. It certainly has opened these eyes that thought they could see. It's hard to deny the Truth.

Humbly,
m

What could be worse than being set free only to end up in prison again?

I have a newfound appreciation for those that can't seem to stay out of the penal system.

A newfound compassion and understanding. I won't go so far as to excuse anything we do as humans, myself included, but I will say, we sure do judge from glass houses most of the time. My 2x4 is proving to be more like a floating dock. Pulling this thing from my own eye has proven beyond painful and has left me not only wounded, but close to blind. Again.

I find myself wondering if I ever truly knew the LOVE of God. If I did, how or why would I continue on in the same way as before I encountered the truth, the freedom of Jesus Christ. Not exactly the "same" way, but " A Slow Fade" takes on a personal meaning for me.

A friend of mine told me tonight that.. "God is obnoxiously patient with us".. if I had something in my mouth, I would have spit it out with laughter when I heard him say it. There was something about it that was just so true in my spirit.

With all the warnings of a God that doesn't take sin lightly, I find myself face down. If I could do it any justice with words, I would. But there are none. I'm not who I thought I was. Not even close. I don't know who I am becoming and as "scary" as that sounds, all I can say is..God, have mercy and thank you.

M

One Word.
Jesus.

There's nothing like watching your child struggle with illness to give reason for pause and prayer.

In my search, God in His infinite grace has managed to unravel 8 years of a backslidden lifestyle right before my eyes. My heart has literally almost failed me throughout this process for reasons of guilt, shame and finally Godly sorrow.

If you are not a follower of Christ Jesus, this does not apply to you. It can certainly minister to the forgiving power of a God that has every right and reason to say.. " Forget you" after receiving His ultimate sacrifice and grace, yet in this instance, chose not to.

There is grace for those of you that have not tasted His grace, truth, and goodness in and through the acceptance of Jesus Christ as your savior. But for those of us that claim Him as Savior and aren't doers of the Word, we need a check. Afterall, the Judgment will begin with the Church, not the world. Either way, He came to save the world. Choose Him today if you haven't already, and if you did a while ago and have departed or if you think you have it all together and are actually luke warm.. check yourself. He's calling us to the Secret Place. Run!

In this season of mirror holding to the face of my heart, I have been utterly amazed at how far back I actually slid.

You don't think it's possible, but it is. Without absolute moment to moment diligence, study of God's Word, intimate fellowship and putting our faith to practice,it is impossible to stay in communion with our Precious Father. I know most people don't like to think that it's possible to be given over to Satan (for a season) for the destruction of the flesh, but I'm here to tell you as breathing proof, it absolutely is. It is no different than violating a law ( i know we aren't under the law, but the law of love) and being sent to prison in the hopes of rehabing while held captive. Unfortunately, our prison systems don't leave much in the way of rehab, but thanks be to God that He is bigger than cell walls.

Prison. For nearly six months, I have lived there. And I have never been more grateful for anything other than initially coming into the realization of the redemptive work of Jesus Christ for my life 9 years ago. Jesus says he chastises those He loves. As sons/daughters we are rebuked. In love. For some, this may seem harsh, but the reality of it is, having my own child now, I know for sure she appreciates and needs the discipline. She learns boundaries, respect, trust,and love for authority and herself. Amen.

I don't have enough space to write about all that He has worked out for His glory and our favor through this time of hell, but I will share something that happened to me this week that will give you a glimpse into His heart. By way of none other than a "debt" collector. He who has ears, let him hear....

Avoiding the calls for months now, I saw the number come in for the one thousandth time. The Lord has been dealing with me about paying my debts back because it's evil not to pay back what you have borrowed. (hence our country's current demise) In Godly sorrow and realization of whose kingdom I was serving by not paying my bills back, I humbly welcomed the opportunity to set it straight with my debt.

Through all of this, I realized I was hoarding money because I was fearful He wouldn't provide. I had officially returned to Wild Kingdom and it was every man for himself. A girl had to do what she had to do.. WRONGO!!

So...I spoke with Mr. GREY(of all colors of the rainbow) and he politely inquired as to my deliquency. He asked if it was a mere oversight since it was such a small amount that was due in full. This was a prime opportunity to give my answer of the past 8 years, in all my Christian glory, of "Why Yes, Mr. Grey.. that's exactly what it's been about"... but alas, God's gentle, humble, truthful spirit rose up in me and like a child, I simply confessed to the truth to Mr. Grey. I admitted that it was in fact, my own irresponsibility and I couldn't offer another excuse. I did tell him my daughter has been ill, but nevertheless, the real reason was this natural disdain for the debt and disregard to pay it back.

I didn't realize how many people my decision to default on something I owed because of my own poor choices, impacted. It really hurt my heart and I wanted to change it immediately. THAT is God's sweet prompting.

Mr. Grey, quickly dismissed my attorney's fees over the debt and stopped all interest accrual. He was moved to do so for one reason.. "Thank you for being honest with me Ms. Matthews, that's all I wanted." We proceeded to set up an arrangement to pay the debt off entirely.

The parallels to God's mercy and grace when we simply acknowledge our guilt of sin is endless. absolutely endless. Mr. Grey exemplified God's grace and mercy that day and I was the Prodigal daughter, if you will. It felt so freeing to hang up and know that I was doing my part to pay back what I owed with honesty and integrity and that there really is mercy in the world if we just trust. God can change hearts.
Yes, even our debt collectors.

I might add that all of this (debt)was pre-empted by one very crucial choice on my behalf, not to trust that God would have my back. What a lie. In hoarding what little we did have, I neglected to remember that He is my provider and at the end of every debt, is a company responsible for other souls. Other people eat at night, and clothe themselves because of that company being in business and agree with credit cards or not, if you have one and have debt on it, it's our righteous, blood bought priviledge to pay our debts back.. Let there be no outstanding debts, but that of love...

God is faithful and yes, married to the backslider and is faithful to cure you of it, as it is written.

I write this with such hope that has been so distant these 6months. It's like being married to the most spectacular person on the planet and cheating. It hurts like hades... but I must admit, if I went through this to get a taste of what hell would be like, I will say with certainty, NO THANKS.

Many are decieved in the Body and see grace as a license to sin. I implore you to check your heart. AS ugly as the picture may be. God can change your heart.. but we are responsible for purifying our own hearts and that takes work. Not earning our salvation, but working it out.. daily. Draws nigh unto Him and He will draw nigh to you...as it is written. In reading Revelation of Christ (and John), I found it interesting that in every plague that will be poured out on the earth in the days to come, at the end of each one, was a call to repentance. That struck me so deeply. As long as we have breath in our bodies, like the thief on the cross next to Jesus.. we have the opportunity to turn around and not go there again. He is forever beckoning us. Don't wait. kick the devil out of your life's car and turn around... the Kingdom needs you.

He is faithful. He is so faithful. Praise His Name!
( and thanks Mr. Grey:)
M

This is hope for anyone struggling.

http://www.tangle.com/view_video.php?viewkey=3d45d16a4a35c8742179

Let's start with what it's not.
It's not a prostitute of men. It's not overbearing. It's not a lie. It's not unloving. It's not deceptive. It's not rude. It's not a joke. It's not fashionable. It's not funny. It's not unworthy of praise. It's not too hard to understand. It's not anxious, or fearful. It's not argumentative. It's not an allegory, a metaphor or some cool story. It's not just another prophet. It's not accusing. It's not bitter. It's not envious. It's indestructable.

It is freedom at its highest exsistence. It is beyond the human mind's comprehension, but not impossible for the heart to grasp. It is beautiful. It is powerful. It is full of mercy. It is full of grace. It is patient. It is understanding. It is unyielding. It is healing. It is easy. It is light. It is faithful.
It is hope. It is life. True life. Eternal life.

Life that begins with our first breath. It is looking behind you at all the years you didn't hear it, or rejected it or received it and turned back and realizing that the same blood shed 2000 years ago still covered you before HE formed you in your mother's womb, when you came forth from that womb and in every instance of your life. Amazing.

Repent. This is my ministry. Very simple. He is a rewarder of those that diligently seek Him. Fast and seek His face. He will show you things that will blow your mind. How do I know? I am the chief sinner of the saints. I have walked through 6 months of hell and have no desire to return there ever again. How do you know you are in hell unless you have tasted the sweetness of Heaven.

I tell you with a solemn promise, there is no greater hell than separation from the Love of God through Christ Jesus. None. There is no greater poverty than that of being spiritually bankrupt.

May the grace of God cover you and the love of God bind you forever to His presence and loose you from the chords of darkness that so easily beset us. Only God could do that.

M

Whoever said doing the "right thing" is easy, was delusional.

At times yes, it is... easy. Some things you just look at and KNOW you shouldn't touch. Others, well... others smell so good, sound so good, and bring you such joy or security that you can't see the storm brewing just below the surface. Ah.. but HE can.

I have come to realize that I hit my head on the way out of the Holy Turnip truck. I am the eternal optimist and can be pretty naive to how the enemy uses me and others to get to me.

When Paul tells me to believe the best in people, I do. And again, I am reminded that it's not "people" I'm doing "battle" with, but the powers and principalities that work themselves out through people. Including me. UGH!!!

I know there may be some fellow sisters and brothers in the Lord here that couldn't fathom thinking that upon rebirth we are still succeptable to being influenced by the other team which readily enters the physical realm through our flesh...sorry, but it's just the way it is.. at least that's what MY bible says and I have witnessed first hand... over and over..and it stinks.

Alas! Thankfully, we have a God that is faithful and just to forgive us when we miss it and a redeemer that knows EXACTLY what we are tempted with at every turn because HE WAS TOO...

I forget I'm human. A lot. I forget that God is patient and kind not just to the wicked and ungrateful, but to me, Monica. In MY error. I forget that I am His beloved and to walk as such. I forget that He calls me His friend and treat Him like one. I forget that I am His daughter and He will correct me as such. I forget that He isn't keeping score, (1 Co 13) I forget that HE FORGETS..

Merciful God... each morning brings new ones.. mercies that is..

It was hard to be obedient to this one. It really was. It took dying to myself. A self I didn't even know I was feeding. I'm still grieving. Thank you for providing a way out of my temptation and that you graced me with enough insight to recognize it was YOU calling me out and YOU that gave me enough of YOUR spirit to walk when I needed to. I trust all wounds will heal.

I love you,
M

Resting between the breasts of my youth, your word is near to me. It is here I hold on to every breath you have uttered in compassion, to my soul.

The perversions of a world gone mad have made your truth dispensable, doubtful, twisted, and mangled. To some, they will seek only what they may see, or touch or feel. I beseech you Lord to visit those sick upon their beds and those lying in the pits. Is is written that you are kind to the ungrateful and the wicked. Amen.

Beyond reproach, you are. The slippery slope of digestion has made your word altogether a fresh feast at times and left my stomach sour at others. How could this be? As the prophet, your word became bitter to my stomach to the division of my very marrow.

A trial unlike any that man could impose. For what can man do to me? I tell you, nothing. He neither brings up or down. But you, my God.

Your arms are not too distant to reach the farthest corner of creation. Do you see the drunk in the alley? Of course you do. I pray you visit with him and cure him of the taste that wastes your breath. Do you see the youth in the bed of fornication? Of couse you do. Please cast your robe upon them and shower their naked souls with your words. Let your spirit not pass them by. Do you see the "self made" man? Of course you do. May he be forever humbled in your favor and not your wrath, to see the works of YOUR hand and that he is one of them.

Your arm is not too short, your mercy new THIS day. Visit us upon the beds of our iniquities.

Turn our knowing into nothing that you may be glorified in this earth. Your earth. Our gods of incessant talking, dumb knowledge falling upon deaf ears. Puffing up the minds of those that bow to the belly of a beast that will never be satisfied.

To our own destruction, we deny your infallible truth and look to man to save us. We look to the animals and earth, that which is created, to be our creator. One breath and this world would cease to exist. Just one.

May we not be as worried about "big brother" watching, but the Lord of all creation that sees all things, Even the unseen. May we wake up this day and know with certainty that there is nowhere to run with our baggage, but to your throne. The veil torn by your sacrifice to and for us.

No murder is done in secret. No slander is gone unheard. Our very cells are laid bare. The pattern of our skin imprinted upon your mind. In this time of grace, may my generations not rest in idleness of self seeking and worry.

I implore you to heal us as never before. Prepare those that appear unworthy. I look forward to seeing those that others deemed unfit. Who are we that you are mindful of us? Your beloved.

I humbly ask that you turn our hatred of one another. In this time of financial dismay, it becomes easier to see who is who. Our character on display. May each man give of what he has been given. Shower your heart upon the monetarily rich to share richly, that your hand may be seen by those that would otherwise not believe. May it not be so far fetched that the poor man open his cupboards to feed the rich. We are all hungry.

May the stark lines that man has created be colored grey by the hand of your greatness God. And may you not only bless America, but the world. Bless the single mother with righteousness and loyalty to your cause. Her children.

Come and destroy, swiftly, the pursuit of anything but you and your righteousness, that we may know you above all and as it is written..." all these things be added unto us".

Now, we know in part. Then, in full. May we set aside our foolish talk and separation and be saved in this day from the illusions of life. May we step out of the smoke and mirrors of our lives to the clarity you are calling all creation to. May you slay the beast of deception this day and every day. And may I be found worthy in that great day. Your day.

Come lay with us in the bed of a marriage that will never be dissolved and destroy the works of the beast that so easily besets us. Lord, have mercy.

Laugh with me this day for my soul is heavy. You have filled my cup and it is running over. I love to the point of aching. You have blessed me with your desires. That no man should perish.

love,

M

May your beauty not deceive you. May you not attempt to set your throne above the one that gave birth to you in the Earth from the foundations of the world. His Spirit, hovering upon the face of your waters.

His language, His Words given to you oh beautiful people. Given to you first to give to the rest of the world. An expression of the testimony of His life, His love, His sacrifice, for you. His Truth. You were the birthplace of written word of the greatest Truth ever told.

Spreading your arms to welcome the world, in sharing your waters, your warmth, the fruits of your land, may you not run on in the vanity of your youth. May this season usher in a resurgence of true wisdom. Leaving the gods that betrayed you, behind. The reasoning of your own minds will no longer protect you from those that seek to devour your riches and beauty. Their intentions not visible to your limited sight.

May you be reminded and heed the voice of those that He sends to you in love to honor Him, seek Him, and remember Him as you never have before.

Be not deceived oh beautiful one, He poured the waters that surround you out of His cup many moons ago and set you in His sights.

Seek His wisdom for it is written.. "He is faithful to give it without finding fault". He will keep your land and she will bare her fruit in due season.

He personally planted the Laurel in the earth that so proudly adorns your very emblem. Symbolizing the Resurrection of His Son. Have you forgotten?

May you be the new birthplace for a Renaissance of the soul unlike ever before in the earth. It is with you, that His New Testament began. Return to Him and He will return to you and your beauty will never fade.

Greece-

-M

Amidst financial upheaval, people jumping from bridges, countries gloating over the demise of others', opportunists capitilazing on the downfall of their fellow humans, there is a supernatural peace.

When you realize the futility in all that we strive for, kill ourselves for, bow down to that will never remain in the end, you see the face of God. I am speaking to those that have seen Him and forgotten or those that have never seen Him and could care less and those that would love to see Him, but just can't find the time.

People in our country, do not anticipate it getting any better any time soon. I could not disagree more.

It has been through fires, and losses, and terrible darkness and despair that the God of the Universe has presented Himself with mercy and grace and above all, peace. There is truly a joy that surpasses all human understanding in this space. It reminds me of the scene in Gladiator, when Russell Crowe is about to lose his life and this serene songstress comes out of nowhere, the scene reverts back to fields. Beautiful, wide open fields and the love he lost many moon ago. Total peace. He wasn't angry, desperate, or even lonely. All that he loved came to visit in that one moment of complete loss of his life. That is God.

Peace. We buy it, carve it out of stones and paper images. We sleep around for it, we call that which is evil good and vice versa. We tell people it will all be okay and send them off in their own strength to do a job only suitable for God Himself. We mock Him, test Him, and think ourselves bigger. This isn't about rosy glasses, this is about nations being on their face in the financial dirt, moral decay and realizing that it is only through His grace and mercy that any of this, any of us, are still here.

I looked into the sky last night and could not believe that the same God that put all of that in motion, knows not only my name, but how many hairs are on my head. I found myself with a Godly fear (reverence) for such a being that I can't even comprehend. It is only through the life and example of His son, Jesus, that I can remotely wrap my mind around the person of God.

My fellow believers, take your peace today, I pray we remember to repent daily, see Him in all things daily,and live at peace with ALL men.

Love you guys,


Peace,
M

So drawn to your freedom. You yield to no one. A one of a kind you are. A statuesque frame to put even the strongest of men to shame. Your long mane as white as snow. Your skin the color of a cloud. You are priceless. Free. No wonder Jesus rides on one just like you. A Stallion of magnificent proportion. You are simply a beauty to behold. Nothing to tame your playfulness, your wild passion for running, rolling. An attention hog. You are worthy. Your beauty is a reminder of the One that created you. Your swiftness, a reminder of His sword, his Word. Your passion a reminder of His unbridled pursuit of His creation. Your strength a reminder of His unmatched. How graceful you are in your play, your mischievious frolicking as if you were a child. What a mystery.
Moonglow. The most beautiful white stallion I am certain I will encounter.

We can learn a lot from a creature with such strength and grace. Nothing to tame it but the bridle that leads it into obedience. Hum....
m

How sweet the savor of your kisses. Your Words suspended on the doorway of my heart. Dripping like honey from the comb, the sweetness of your countenance is magnificent. Your Spirit transcends even the Words used to describe you. Who can behold your majesty? Your power? Your greatness? No one. Entering the Holy of Holies, some may think me mad. Ha! A sanity this world could never offer in a million lifetimes. Freedom is your name. Love is your language. Your country is the Earth in which all men see you without excuse. The breath I breathe leaves my body in praise of your sweet Holiness that no man can behold. But my heart, can.

M